The Gender Spectrum

Here's something a lot shorter than my last post! On the topic of gender fluidity and spectrums, here's a video I found a year ago that really crystallized for me the idea of there being not only two polar opposite genders, but a continuous scale, like a Mobius strip, on which people fall. Until I saw this video, I didn't really understand the concept of there being many genders, probably because I had only had it explained to me in academic settings via rhetorically dense and difficult to understand essays and articles. Here, though, Chase explains very well and very simply his own experiences with the gender spectrum. I highly recommend his YouTube channel, as he documents his experiences being on and off T in a very honest and interesting manner. I hope you enjoy:

"why i stopped t."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSAqVa-NltQ

(For those of you who aren't familiar, "T" is short for testosterone, which can be injected by prescription into individuals who wish to transition from female to male (FTM)).

Queer Fluidity....what the heck?

• This one's a doozy...so strap in! Grab some popcorn and Monster energy soda. Also maybe pee before you sit down to read it, because it's long. 

For my entire life, I've identified as heterosexual. A heterosexual girl. A feminine-performing, heterosexual girl. I've taken a handful of classes that deal with addressing and deconstructing social categories and labels regarding gender, sexuality, etc., and questioning why we perform these certain labels. Actually, we know why we perform them: because if we don't conform to and don an accepted role or label, society deems us an outcast, not "normal," and there are few human desires stronger than the need to feel accepted and like you "fit in" somewhere. So what really comes into question is how (or whether) it's possible to move away from these limiting categories we're made to mold into from the time we're babies. Example: the first question most mothers ask when they have a baby is "is it a boy or a girl?" Every person who stops a new mother holding a baby on the street asks that same question. From the minute they enter into the world, babies' identities are already being decided for them based on their genitalia (which is frequently ambiguous, which is where things can get complicated, but that's another discussion for another day).

Similarly, when we become self-aware enough to realize we have certain sexual preferences and attractions, everyone wants to put us into a box. You're a guy who likes guys? You're gay. You're a girl whose had boyfriends in the past but now has a girlfriend? You're bisexual. And to someone who identifies as heterosexual or maybe hasn't been exposed to the realm of Queer Studies, this might seem like good enough labels (Sidebar: DRINKING GAME! Take a drink every time I say the word "label!" Guaranteed to get you smashed in no time) that pretty accurately describe people, based on who they have sexual or romantic relationships with.

Wrong.

I just came out of a discussion held in the house I live in on my college campus about the "queer" element of LGBTQ studies/communities, and I immediately sat down to write this blog. A lot of things were said that I had already been aware of or had thought about at one point or another, but there were a few things said that took me aback. I had some crystallizing moments.

If you're still reading....would you like to hear what they were? 

As the discussion turned to the "alphabet soup" that is the LGBTQQIAPPD+ (*see footnote) acronym, our facilitator (my favorite professor) asked us whether we felt confined by these terms or liberated. The question also came up of whether the word "queer" was encompassing enough, or just as limiting as the others. My personal opinion on the word queer is that it is an umbrella term used to encompass anything "non-normative," in myriad ways not limited to gender or sexuality, and since everyone - and I mean everyone - is queer in some way, I believe it can be applied to anybody at all. This also has to do with the context in which I've studied the word, and since I've been taught that it can be a noun, adjective, and even a verb (which is my favorite way to use it!), I have a pretty boundless image in my head of what queer is and means. 

So, what was my great epiphany? I expected most people to say they felt that one letter or another of the lengthy acronym suited them, and if not, then "queer" should be general enough to suffice. But what I realized as virtually everyone in the room said no, they didn't feel represented by this list of words, was that sexuality is by nature fluid and undefinable. Need proof? 

Those who said they usually identify (for convenience's sake) as gay, lesbian, or bisexual revealed that they didn't even like taking on those labels because they didn't feel exactly right. I didn't understand. If you're a girl who likes girls, you're a lesbian, right? Or bisexual if you're attracted to both sexes? It wasn't until someone said "I feel confined by these letters because I have yet to find a letter or label that describes exactly what's going on in my head" that it clicked for me. 

Now, as someone who has identified as heterosexual her whole life and has had exclusively heterosexual relationships and sexual encounters, it took me a minute to wrap my head around this, but as I worked my way through it, I realized....that's me. There is no label that defines the thought processes and possibilities that play out in my mind. I've had boyfriends, I've had short-term "flings" with guys, I've loved a couple of them, and I've even maybe been in love with one (still trying to figure that out, by the way). And I definitely love having sex with them (sorry mom, if you're reading this....) So it's safe to say I'm attracted to men. And yet...as of late, there's been something in the back of my head that says "but that's not all!" Am I bisexual? Well, no, I've never had a sexual encounter with another girl, and I don't really know if I could see myself in a relationship with one. Am I "attracted" to girls? Not generally...I mean, I don't "size them up" the way I might if I see a cute guy, if that makes sense. But there has been one girl who's been my best friend for years that I've always jokingly said is the only girl I could ever make out with. Except now when I think about it, it's not really so much of a joke as it is a reality. I think she's brilliant, beautiful, and infinitely interesting. Would I take a chance and explore "girl sex" with her? Absolutely. There's my confession. I doubt she feels the same, but I'm not asking her to. It's more of an epiphany for myself, if anything. 

So.....if I love men but have only ever had a "level 3 girl crush" (refer to Jenna Marbles, she'll tell you about the levels) on one girl in my life, but I don't think I'm bisexual, then what the heck am I?!?!??!?!

That's just my point. It's not that simple. And that's something I never really realized until tonight. Sexual preferences change vastly over time depending on where we are in our lives and the circumstances we're in. And also how honest we're willing to be with ourselves. Maybe not as drastically for some as for others, but if all these people sitting down and talking about these things pretty much unanimously agreed that they don't feel any one letter or label perfectly suits them...isn't that all the proof we need to prove that human sexuality is naturally fluid and changing and unstable and undefinable? That we have the potential to love anybody who comes along that we happen to click with and admire, regardless of what's between their legs? I think that's all the proof we need, and if we could just move beyond labels and designated categories invented by humans - because another basic human trait is curiosity and the need to create words and categorize everything - we could really revolutionize.....everything. 

Thanks for reading, being open-minded, and supportive.

~The Defiant Lion

* Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender/sexual, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Pansexual, Polyamorous, Demisexual, and a plus sign because there will always inevitably be identities that are left out.