The Gender Spectrum

Here's something a lot shorter than my last post! On the topic of gender fluidity and spectrums, here's a video I found a year ago that really crystallized for me the idea of there being not only two polar opposite genders, but a continuous scale, like a Mobius strip, on which people fall. Until I saw this video, I didn't really understand the concept of there being many genders, probably because I had only had it explained to me in academic settings via rhetorically dense and difficult to understand essays and articles. Here, though, Chase explains very well and very simply his own experiences with the gender spectrum. I highly recommend his YouTube channel, as he documents his experiences being on and off T in a very honest and interesting manner. I hope you enjoy:

"why i stopped t."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSAqVa-NltQ

(For those of you who aren't familiar, "T" is short for testosterone, which can be injected by prescription into individuals who wish to transition from female to male (FTM)).

Queer Fluidity....what the heck?

• This one's a doozy...so strap in! Grab some popcorn and Monster energy soda. Also maybe pee before you sit down to read it, because it's long. 

For my entire life, I've identified as heterosexual. A heterosexual girl. A feminine-performing, heterosexual girl. I've taken a handful of classes that deal with addressing and deconstructing social categories and labels regarding gender, sexuality, etc., and questioning why we perform these certain labels. Actually, we know why we perform them: because if we don't conform to and don an accepted role or label, society deems us an outcast, not "normal," and there are few human desires stronger than the need to feel accepted and like you "fit in" somewhere. So what really comes into question is how (or whether) it's possible to move away from these limiting categories we're made to mold into from the time we're babies. Example: the first question most mothers ask when they have a baby is "is it a boy or a girl?" Every person who stops a new mother holding a baby on the street asks that same question. From the minute they enter into the world, babies' identities are already being decided for them based on their genitalia (which is frequently ambiguous, which is where things can get complicated, but that's another discussion for another day).

Similarly, when we become self-aware enough to realize we have certain sexual preferences and attractions, everyone wants to put us into a box. You're a guy who likes guys? You're gay. You're a girl whose had boyfriends in the past but now has a girlfriend? You're bisexual. And to someone who identifies as heterosexual or maybe hasn't been exposed to the realm of Queer Studies, this might seem like good enough labels (Sidebar: DRINKING GAME! Take a drink every time I say the word "label!" Guaranteed to get you smashed in no time) that pretty accurately describe people, based on who they have sexual or romantic relationships with.

Wrong.

I just came out of a discussion held in the house I live in on my college campus about the "queer" element of LGBTQ studies/communities, and I immediately sat down to write this blog. A lot of things were said that I had already been aware of or had thought about at one point or another, but there were a few things said that took me aback. I had some crystallizing moments.

If you're still reading....would you like to hear what they were? 

As the discussion turned to the "alphabet soup" that is the LGBTQQIAPPD+ (*see footnote) acronym, our facilitator (my favorite professor) asked us whether we felt confined by these terms or liberated. The question also came up of whether the word "queer" was encompassing enough, or just as limiting as the others. My personal opinion on the word queer is that it is an umbrella term used to encompass anything "non-normative," in myriad ways not limited to gender or sexuality, and since everyone - and I mean everyone - is queer in some way, I believe it can be applied to anybody at all. This also has to do with the context in which I've studied the word, and since I've been taught that it can be a noun, adjective, and even a verb (which is my favorite way to use it!), I have a pretty boundless image in my head of what queer is and means. 

So, what was my great epiphany? I expected most people to say they felt that one letter or another of the lengthy acronym suited them, and if not, then "queer" should be general enough to suffice. But what I realized as virtually everyone in the room said no, they didn't feel represented by this list of words, was that sexuality is by nature fluid and undefinable. Need proof? 

Those who said they usually identify (for convenience's sake) as gay, lesbian, or bisexual revealed that they didn't even like taking on those labels because they didn't feel exactly right. I didn't understand. If you're a girl who likes girls, you're a lesbian, right? Or bisexual if you're attracted to both sexes? It wasn't until someone said "I feel confined by these letters because I have yet to find a letter or label that describes exactly what's going on in my head" that it clicked for me. 

Now, as someone who has identified as heterosexual her whole life and has had exclusively heterosexual relationships and sexual encounters, it took me a minute to wrap my head around this, but as I worked my way through it, I realized....that's me. There is no label that defines the thought processes and possibilities that play out in my mind. I've had boyfriends, I've had short-term "flings" with guys, I've loved a couple of them, and I've even maybe been in love with one (still trying to figure that out, by the way). And I definitely love having sex with them (sorry mom, if you're reading this....) So it's safe to say I'm attracted to men. And yet...as of late, there's been something in the back of my head that says "but that's not all!" Am I bisexual? Well, no, I've never had a sexual encounter with another girl, and I don't really know if I could see myself in a relationship with one. Am I "attracted" to girls? Not generally...I mean, I don't "size them up" the way I might if I see a cute guy, if that makes sense. But there has been one girl who's been my best friend for years that I've always jokingly said is the only girl I could ever make out with. Except now when I think about it, it's not really so much of a joke as it is a reality. I think she's brilliant, beautiful, and infinitely interesting. Would I take a chance and explore "girl sex" with her? Absolutely. There's my confession. I doubt she feels the same, but I'm not asking her to. It's more of an epiphany for myself, if anything. 

So.....if I love men but have only ever had a "level 3 girl crush" (refer to Jenna Marbles, she'll tell you about the levels) on one girl in my life, but I don't think I'm bisexual, then what the heck am I?!?!??!?!

That's just my point. It's not that simple. And that's something I never really realized until tonight. Sexual preferences change vastly over time depending on where we are in our lives and the circumstances we're in. And also how honest we're willing to be with ourselves. Maybe not as drastically for some as for others, but if all these people sitting down and talking about these things pretty much unanimously agreed that they don't feel any one letter or label perfectly suits them...isn't that all the proof we need to prove that human sexuality is naturally fluid and changing and unstable and undefinable? That we have the potential to love anybody who comes along that we happen to click with and admire, regardless of what's between their legs? I think that's all the proof we need, and if we could just move beyond labels and designated categories invented by humans - because another basic human trait is curiosity and the need to create words and categorize everything - we could really revolutionize.....everything. 

Thanks for reading, being open-minded, and supportive.

~The Defiant Lion

* Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender/sexual, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Pansexual, Polyamorous, Demisexual, and a plus sign because there will always inevitably be identities that are left out.

22 Things Only Women's & Gender Studies Majors Understand

 Leave it to BuzzFeed to nail yet another list: 22 Things Only Women's & Gender Studies Majors Understand. Shoutout to the hilarious Michael Foucault reference; I was peeing myself with laughter.

Enjoy:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/juniperbug/22-things-only-womens-and-gender-studies-majors-f59x


~The Defiant Lion

On what makes things feminist/unfeminist

• A short piece written for my Feminist Philosophy class (all rights reserved; please do not quote without permission): 

            The question of what makes (arguably) objectifying practices (like sex work and wearing revealing clothing in public) unfeminist or not is one I’ve been wrestling with a lot recently: and, like Stephanie Abraham, I’m “still trying to figure it out,” “it” being my own personal perspective on what is and is not feminist in nature. In the case of everything “risqué,” from sex work to modeling to wearing mini dresses and heels at a frat party, it is never helpful or progressive to blame women and girls, calling them dumb or slutty for making the choices that they do. Rather, it makes more sense to question the system set up by our patriarchal society and the demands put on men and women alike. By and large, girls are taught to strive for perfect sexiness, and these messages can cause them to act in ways that can be misconstrued as empowering when they in fact come from a detrimental and demeaning place.

It’s difficult to say whether or not a woman is being “unfeminist” by being a prostitute or a pornstar; yes, women should be able to do what they want and wear what they want without being slut-shamed (this goes for cases like Miley Cyrus too: I don’t think critics are at all permitted to call her a slut for dancing in her underwear onstage at the VMAs.) However, in the case of risqué behavior and dress code, I do think girls need to question why they wear tight mini skirts and heels to parties: is it because they want to do it for themselves, or do they wear these things because they buy into the mainstream message that their physical image is where their worth lies? This is, I think, is a better place for criticism to come from (and this more closely resembles the reason why I question the motives behind performances like Miley’s recent one.) It would be wrong to chastise Mary Christmas and other women in the sex industry for their line of work; indeed, it is unfeminist in and of itself to tell a woman what she can and cannot choose to do to earn a living. The antifeminism aspect is much more deep-seeded, and is found in the very existence of sex-for-entertainment (porn, stripping, etc.). It is not these women’s “faults” for participating in this system; it is the fault of society for putting them in a position where participating in objectifying activities may be their only option.

In regards to pornography performances, I’d like to quickly reference Gail Dines’ resounding book Pornland, wherein she describes scenarios in which a female porn actress willingly participates in a film, but is subjected to violent things like choking and “ass-to-mouth” sex that are visibly uncomfortable and likely neither wanted nor entirely consensual. The fact that men have become increasingly accustomed to these images (and seek them out in growing numbers) speaks to a larger problem, one that I’ll save for another paper for the sake of avoiding digression.

Although most girls will probably say that they freely choose to wear revealing clothes and heavy makeup for themselves, it is not possible to say these practices are completely uninfluenced by the demands of society. For example, putting makeup on one’s face is a very unnatural ritual. It’s not necessary for survival, and it’s a lot more practical to just not wear any (I constantly have to consciously stop myself from rubbing my eyes when I’m tired, lest I smudge my mascara.) And while I, too, often conform to the tight clothing- and makeup-wearing ideal set in place for us, I acknowledge that I’m not doing it totally for myself. I wish I could honestly say that I wear sexy dresses and eyeliner and high heels for myself, but to say so would be utterly untrue, and I admit that, although not proudly or comfortably. I wish I felt free enough to not feel the need to aspire to conform to the “perfect” body image projected by the media, but I don’t. I still consider myself a very dedicated and enthusiastic feminist, but I still feel constrained, trapped, and pressured to meet society’s arbitrary beauty standard.

Stay strong.

~The Defiant Lion

Fuck your binary

Fuck your socially constructed gender binary....

.....because these guys deserve to be fabulous without the world telling them they can't wear heels. Werk it, boys.

-The Defiant Lion

A short and restrained response to Blurred Lines

“You the hottest bitch in this place.” –Robin Thicke

If a guy ever came up to me and told me, “Hey, you know, you’re the hottest bitch in this place,” I would slap him. Unquestionably and unapologetically. Mostly because the word “bitch” is not an acceptable thing to call anybody under any circumstances, and secondly because how dare he have the arrogant audacity to 1) rate my attractiveness against other women and 2) use something as shallow as exterior appearances to start a conversation.

But that’s not even the most offensive lyric in the now all-too-popular hit song Blurred Lines: “Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you/He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that.” Well. Actually, T.I., I’d prefer to not have my ass slapped and hair pulled, and I’d REALLY like for you to not assume that I do. Because, again, if anyone ever did either of those things to me without asking first and getting an affirmative answer, I would protest physically, because that is sexual assault.

“I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two.” I don’t think I need to spend too much space elucidating how explicitly violent and emblematic of rape culture this line is. Moving on.

“Tried to domesticate ya, but you’re an animal.” Tried to domesticate me, eh? So, what, tried to tame me into some version of what you think women should be? And when I wouldn’t let you place your restrictions on me, that means I’m a crazy wild animal? You couldn’t possibly be much more dehumanizing.

Then we have the most repeated lines, “I know you want it” (no, you don’t know), and “The way you grab me, must wanna get nasty.” Just because a girl dances with you or says anything short of “hey, I want to have sex with you, would you like to have sex with me, too?” does not mean she “wants it.” That “I know you want it” mentality is indicative of rape and slut shaming. No does not mean yes, silence does not mean yes, and, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT EXISTS ON THIS GOOD GREEN PLANET, THE WAY I DRESS AND DANCE DOES NOT MEAN ‘YES.’

“That man is not your maker.” And neither are you, and neither is anybody else. So kindly back the fuck off.

-The Defiant Lion